German magazine mocks Cristiano Ronaldo in satirical farewell video

German magazine 11 Freunde has mocked Cristiano Ronaldo’s retirement from international football by publishing a spoof version of his farewell video, complete with a sarcastic German translation that bears no relation to the Portugal captain’s actual words.

Ronaldo announced his decision to end his international career with Portugal on Thursday in a five-minute video message. He thanked everyone who had accompanied him during 23 years with the national team, one day before Jorge Jesus was due to announce his latest squad.

The announcement attracted widespread attention from media around the world, with tributes highlighting the legacy of Portugal’s captain. 11 Freunde, however, chose to mark the occasion with satire.

The magazine published Ronaldo’s video with an alternative German script written by Tobias Ahrens, who is known for his satirical work. The imagined translation poked fun at several of the forward’s on-field habits.

“Guys, listen to me for a moment. I’ll be direct: I’m retiring,” the spoof version said. “I just wanted to thank you all, especially for going along with me in that nonsense called the ‘Siu’ celebration.

“I swear, at first it was only a bet with Marcelo. I thought grown men would never jump into the air, spin around and shout, but what did you do? You copied me.”

The parody continued: “Thank you as well for letting me take all the free-kicks, even though the last one went in five years ago.

“And thank you to nobody laughing when I pulled my shorts up as far as they would go, until my kidneys were almost visible. It was an honour. Take care of my records.”

Ronaldo’s international career began with his Portugal debut 23 years ago. He went on to make 234 appearances and score 146 goals for his country, winning three major titles.

His honours with Portugal include the 2016 European Championship and two UEFA Nations League titles. The 2016 triumph was the country’s first European Championship success.

Portugal are listed to face Denmark in the Nations League – Path One on 14 November 2026.